Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
