Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
