Sry I called you an 8
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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