My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So much rum. So many feels.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
