Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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