I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
