I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
