Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
