Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
