Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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