we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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