I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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