when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
