It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
