I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
