I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
