Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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