The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
