She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
