Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I would ride that face into the sunset
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
