the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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