Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i love accidental penises.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
don't judge my taste in strippers
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
