She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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