everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
