I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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