Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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