Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I want her autograph on my taint
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
