Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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