I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
