100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
