At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
