Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
