so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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