You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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