Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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