You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
