you traded sex for a burrito?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
