so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
