Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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