he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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