I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
