A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
