He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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