I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
