You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
