My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
