If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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