mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
