WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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