According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
bring money and cleavage
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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