and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm at about main and main street
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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