She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
