you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
