I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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