why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
