At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
