i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
